USC housing has this cute little roommate contract thing to help prevent conflicts. I feel like overall it's a pretty decent thing for freshmen but at this point it's a little silly. So we were silly back. Please keep in mind that the answers are supposed to be our agreements on various issues so later in the year we can go back to this useless piece of paper and say, but look you said you were going to keep your clothes off the floor.
Academic success:
You should probably study.
Youtube does not equal studying.
4 am = not a good time for a dance party
Guest visitation:
All male visitors must be screened for worthiness. Only handsome, intelligent, funny, charming, and wealthy princes are acceptable. Others may be admitted on a case by case basis.
Sustainability:
Room temperature - we don't have control over this (this section was sort of outlined for us)
Recycling - w/e
Overall - Not important. Duh.
Bathroom Use:
Showering is recommended. Toilet paper is required. No floods please.
Cleaning Standards:
A zero-tolerance policy on all bugs of any kind will be strictly enforced. Mold is a bad sign. Spiderwebs are a worse sign. (Cuz that would be violating the zero-tolerance policy).
Behavior:
1.) No snorting pixie sticks in the apartment. (Not a euphemism).
2.) No drunken tea parties with any "mad hatters" after 3 in the afternoon. (Totally a euphemism.)
3.) Telling freshmen our apartment is the secret portal to Hogwarts will be heavily frowned upon.
Bullwinkle's Rules:
(This isn't a real section. They wanted us to talk about personal property boundaries, but that's just not funny. At the top of the page they had asked for a "head of household" so we elected Bullwinkle J. Moose)
#1: No antler jokes.
#2: The Moose Institute of Toe-dancing is a perfectly respectable source of education and should be treated as such.
#3: Frostbite Falls, MN is an excellent place for a vacation. Not really a rule, just a fact.
Miscellaneous:
No getting sick.
No failing out of school.
Coupons are free-range.
If everyone took their roommate contracts this seriously, the world be a better place.
